I have spent the past two weeks in internet agony. In my last post I expressed a bit of my frustration, but the past two days have really solidified my rage. Why must communicating be so damn hard?!
First, my email froze.
Then, I suddenly cannot view my student loan website to pay my student loans (important) and get my tax info (also very important).
Then, I can't get on turbotax.com anyway, well, at least in a reasonable amount of time. Just now, I have spent 15 minutes logging in and going to my personal info (step 1).
Then, I cannot get onto evite.com to send a cutesy invitation for PB's b-day in two weeks.
Finally, my searches for the coolest vacation I'm sure to ever take to the Perhentian Islands reveal good, though unloadable, websites.
AHHHH!
I can't do this. I can't depend on something so unreliable. But without knowing the language, I have to. I loathe going to work and asking all the Chinese staff to do everything for me. I like to take care of my everything - I'm really quite able to do things on my own. Here, I feel like a 12-year-old wanting to take that next step towards independence but still needing to rely on others to do some of the leg work.
Additionally, I loathe the fact that I am so reliant on the internet for everything. I've been thinking, what would I do if this didn't work anymore, like, at all? How would I pay my bills? How would I keep in touch with family and friends? How on Earth would I survive?
Now calm down, Abby. It will be okay.
I know, I know. But this beautiful Sunday in Chongqing, I'm just frustrated.
2.26.2011
2.20.2011
Why I'm homesick today
1. The internet hates me and only works sometimes, kind of.
2. Not being able to tell the woman "for the love of god, stop cutting!" before she destroys my hair and makes me look like a 10-year-old.
3. No lentils.
4. I like clothes dryers.
4 more months and we will return stateside for the summer. I can do this. Easy.
Maybe my hair will look normal by then.
2. Not being able to tell the woman "for the love of god, stop cutting!" before she destroys my hair and makes me look like a 10-year-old.
3. No lentils.
4. I like clothes dryers.
4 more months and we will return stateside for the summer. I can do this. Easy.
Maybe my hair will look normal by then.
2.17.2011
Fireworks and war
There's a full moon behind those clouds tonight and that explains the fireworks - it is the last day of celebrations for the New Year. The Year of the Rabbit has literally been brought in with a bang, or many, rather. Fireworks are seemingly unregulated here meaning they are loud, big, and EVERYWHERE. The amount of professional-grade fireworks here is frightening. And the little sign at the gate of our complex that says no fireworks, ha! Try and stop them!
I think the guards like them, actually.
I did not realize before just how big these things are, but put them up against an apartment building and wow - truly huge. When some of these suckers expolde, their diameter spans over 10 floors. So tonight I see my neighbors not in the dim city haze of night but in the bright, sparkling, unrelenting glow of fireworks. It's an interesting perspective - colorful, cool, and a very real eye into war. Not to say that I know what war is like. But I have a much greater appreciation now for those who come out of war shell-shocked. If I had to listen to this every night, and day, and night, and feared every pop, I also would go insane. One night is rough. And I'm not in any danger even. I don't know how anyone could come back and NOT be shell-shocked. Maybe if every soldier returning from war was insane we wouldn't fight any more wars.
Right.
But did I mention that they're loud?
I think the guards like them, actually.
I did not realize before just how big these things are, but put them up against an apartment building and wow - truly huge. When some of these suckers expolde, their diameter spans over 10 floors. So tonight I see my neighbors not in the dim city haze of night but in the bright, sparkling, unrelenting glow of fireworks. It's an interesting perspective - colorful, cool, and a very real eye into war. Not to say that I know what war is like. But I have a much greater appreciation now for those who come out of war shell-shocked. If I had to listen to this every night, and day, and night, and feared every pop, I also would go insane. One night is rough. And I'm not in any danger even. I don't know how anyone could come back and NOT be shell-shocked. Maybe if every soldier returning from war was insane we wouldn't fight any more wars.
Right.
But did I mention that they're loud?
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| Happy Year of the Rabbit! |
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2.14.2011
The web and its (non) use
I'm having internet issues and I'm scared to write of them. I mean, with blog sites blocked in China, how much outside of China is really monitored?
Not that Joe-blow 中国人 (Chinese person) could even access this site and all its scary info, but, I don't know.
Is anybody out there?
I guess I'll know tomorrow when I try to log in.
Not that Joe-blow 中国人 (Chinese person) could even access this site and all its scary info, but, I don't know.
Is anybody out there?
I guess I'll know tomorrow when I try to log in.
2.10.2011
Another thanks, closer to home
We're dueling computers tonight, side-by-side on the couch. One old, one new. One yelled at every few minutes (guess which?), the other working away sans complaints. All for the love of...I don't know - career? Money? Security? Travel?
I wonder sometimes why hubby and I put ourselves through the stress and chaos of life with job and school. I keep telling myself there will come a day when it ends, when work stays at work, and there's no homework due at the end of the week. Finally finished with grad school, I thought, sure my first year teaching will be rough, but at least I won't be writing papers anymore.
Then hubby got hired. And wanted to teach. And needs a license so we are an unstoppable teaching machine with secure jobs (ha! right...) that will take us to far and exotic new lands.
So back to writing papers we go, well, he goes. Now he has less time to take care of me, the house, and the girls, and this week, I got pissed.
Nice of me, isn't it?
Rather than seeing the amount of new, really important stuff hubby's begun, I saw the lack of help he was giving me. Actually, I saw how little I have had to do over the past year and a half.
What a man.
I kept pushing through school after school after kid after school after kid after school....and all this time I thought I did so much. I thought, I work, go to school, and take care of the cooking, cleaning, and kids. How I work!
But it was hubby all along. He's that good that I didn't even notice.
And to top it all off, in the middle of my stress-ball week of trying to pick up the slack so he can work, I treat him like dog poo and this is what he sends to me:
Considering the amount of food that peanut butter ends up on in this house, seeing this made my heart ache with love.
And I feel like a complete arse.
I'm sorry. And I love you. And thank you for being the best husband ever. I am so lucky.
I wonder sometimes why hubby and I put ourselves through the stress and chaos of life with job and school. I keep telling myself there will come a day when it ends, when work stays at work, and there's no homework due at the end of the week. Finally finished with grad school, I thought, sure my first year teaching will be rough, but at least I won't be writing papers anymore.
Then hubby got hired. And wanted to teach. And needs a license so we are an unstoppable teaching machine with secure jobs (ha! right...) that will take us to far and exotic new lands.
So back to writing papers we go, well, he goes. Now he has less time to take care of me, the house, and the girls, and this week, I got pissed.
Nice of me, isn't it?
Rather than seeing the amount of new, really important stuff hubby's begun, I saw the lack of help he was giving me. Actually, I saw how little I have had to do over the past year and a half.
What a man.
I kept pushing through school after school after kid after school after kid after school....and all this time I thought I did so much. I thought, I work, go to school, and take care of the cooking, cleaning, and kids. How I work!
But it was hubby all along. He's that good that I didn't even notice.
And to top it all off, in the middle of my stress-ball week of trying to pick up the slack so he can work, I treat him like dog poo and this is what he sends to me:
Considering the amount of food that peanut butter ends up on in this house, seeing this made my heart ache with love.
And I feel like a complete arse.
I'm sorry. And I love you. And thank you for being the best husband ever. I am so lucky.
2.08.2011
谢谢，自贡。
Last I wrote, I was reflecting upon my 20s and preparing for a 3 hour trek to Zigong (自贡). A week later, I am filled with stories, sighs, and few words to put to it all. Though we took extra time in Zigong, it still felt like a whirlwind trip. Four days is a short time to "see" a place. I have only one thing to say today about the trip (more to follow, I'm sure):
Xie xie, Zigong (谢谢，自贡). You were welcoming, helpful, and left us alone. Gawking without chasing, laughing at my swipes, and ultimately treating us like humans and not a circus act. I thank you for letting us explore your city as if we were any other person and not tall white foreigners itching for a pet. It was good. And a nice change.
Thanks.
--------------------------------
PS. PB peed in the potty on her own without prompting today - I think the end of diapers is near. Yea!
Xie xie, Zigong (谢谢，自贡). You were welcoming, helpful, and left us alone. Gawking without chasing, laughing at my swipes, and ultimately treating us like humans and not a circus act. I thank you for letting us explore your city as if we were any other person and not tall white foreigners itching for a pet. It was good. And a nice change.
Thanks.
--------------------------------
PS. PB peed in the potty on her own without prompting today - I think the end of diapers is near. Yea!
2.01.2011
Happy (belated) Birthday!
Yesterday I turned 30.
I mulled over writing about it from the moment I woke. This should be a momentous occasion, beginning my 4th decade. Instead, I find myself reflecting on the decade now finished. My 20s were fun, sad, hard, beautiful, and each year is marked by a change in life, and a change in me. Thus, rather than go on about how old I am, I will chronicle my so-called coming of age in 10 short bits --
20- The year of Bushisms, 9-11, and finding my calling in Biology.
21- Long distance relationship, generous friends, and a LOT of alcohol made this year happen.
22- I moved to Omaha, decried the start of the Iraq war, and discovered that a lack of conflict is not the key to happiness.
23- Leaving comfort, and finding it anew in hubby; W part 2; back to school; and finally, independence.
24- It was this year I took the great leap to Portland, with a fiance in tow. It was one of the smartest things I have ever done, aside from age 25.
25- Married my love.
26- I became a mother this year, and shortly after, a natural birthing advocate. The pain, hair-pulling, and intense love that followed HD's birth have shaped who I am, as a mother, and a human.
27- Oops - here comes #2! And, Obama!
28- My dream birth, Bachelor's in Biology, mad.momma, and a return to high school (teaching this time!).
29- What a way to end! I earned my Master's in Education, teaching license, moved to China, and had a steady income for the first time. I went from being the bread-eater to being the breadwinner.
Writing these few words, I now see how Bob Dylan filled three volumes with his memoirs. Expanding upon everything one experiences each day, month, year of life, could take an eternity. Our lives are epic; my twenties were epic! I can only imagine what I will have to add after my next 30 years.
Well, goodbye 20s. Thanks for everything!
I mulled over writing about it from the moment I woke. This should be a momentous occasion, beginning my 4th decade. Instead, I find myself reflecting on the decade now finished. My 20s were fun, sad, hard, beautiful, and each year is marked by a change in life, and a change in me. Thus, rather than go on about how old I am, I will chronicle my so-called coming of age in 10 short bits --
20- The year of Bushisms, 9-11, and finding my calling in Biology.
21- Long distance relationship, generous friends, and a LOT of alcohol made this year happen.
22- I moved to Omaha, decried the start of the Iraq war, and discovered that a lack of conflict is not the key to happiness.
23- Leaving comfort, and finding it anew in hubby; W part 2; back to school; and finally, independence.
24- It was this year I took the great leap to Portland, with a fiance in tow. It was one of the smartest things I have ever done, aside from age 25.
25- Married my love.
26- I became a mother this year, and shortly after, a natural birthing advocate. The pain, hair-pulling, and intense love that followed HD's birth have shaped who I am, as a mother, and a human.
27- Oops - here comes #2! And, Obama!
28- My dream birth, Bachelor's in Biology, mad.momma, and a return to high school (teaching this time!).
29- What a way to end! I earned my Master's in Education, teaching license, moved to China, and had a steady income for the first time. I went from being the bread-eater to being the breadwinner.
Writing these few words, I now see how Bob Dylan filled three volumes with his memoirs. Expanding upon everything one experiences each day, month, year of life, could take an eternity. Our lives are epic; my twenties were epic! I can only imagine what I will have to add after my next 30 years.
Well, goodbye 20s. Thanks for everything!
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