Am I smarter than my 2-year-old?

Tate and I were having a perfectly wonderful evening: watched a movie, good special features, no kid interruptions. Until that magic time when toddlers know you really want to go to bed, and they wake. For us, this is about 10:30. Last night was no exception, and it was very, um, frustrating? upsetting? I don't know. I'm not good with adjectives. Maybe by the end of this, I'll have a good one. Here's the play-by-play:

10:35 Harper up, crying. Sometimes she just has to find her pacifier and go back to bed. This time, she kept crying. I went in. She could not be consoled. She would not even lay down. Her ear hurt. She was scared. That last bit got me. We're entering nightmare age. I don't want to mess with this. As someone who had terrible nightmares as a child, I know how much a parent's arms mean.

10:45 In the bathroom with Harper, brushing teeth and generally getting ready for bed. Yes, she would be coming with me.

10:55 Back to bed, our bed. Harper sleeps between us to avoid falling off. She barely gave room for me to put my head on the pillow. Closed the blinds to keep the streetlights out. Daddy comes to bed. Time to sleep.

11:05 Already frustrated with Harper's restlessness. I tell her to quit moving around. She wants to go back to her bed. Cool. Let's go.

11:15 Still messing around on her bed, alternately crying without explanation, and laying down, pawing her left ear saying it hurts. I give here some pain meds for her ear. Along with nightmares, I also had horrible ear infections as a child that would keep me up all night. I hoped the meds would work.

11:30 "I want to go back to your bed". Fine. Whatever. I just want to go to bed.

11:45 I can't handle the tossing and turning anymore (I now really know what that expression means, by the way). I'm worried about Harper's ear and decide this is a night we're just gonna be up for a while. I propose a movie on the couch so we can be noisy and move around as needed. I was also hoping Harper would fall asleep.

12:55 I wake up from dozing to Harper wide awake, watching the movie, without issue. Not scared. Ear fine. Enjoying the show.

12:58 Harper's in bed, screaming, crying and generally making life hell for our neighbors. At this point I'm also crying from frustration, exhaustion, and wanting to pull my hair out. Though I doubt I was bothering the neighbors.

1:01 Silence.

1:03 Been silent long enough, I chance laying down.

1:10 Harper enters our room and climbs into bed. I tell her to go to sleep or it's back to her bed.

She stays. She sleeps. And Tate lets me sleep in.

What gets me about this whole thing is that my 2-year-old manipulated me so well. She played the scared card with the ear infection card. She's never even had an ear infection. But she felt my empathy and willingness to cave to her demands and ran with it. And got to watch a movie in the middle of the night. I lost sleep because I took 2 and 1/2 hours to let Harper scream the 3 minutes it took to get her to cave.

I feel like a fool. I feel like a bad mom, first for giving in, and second for letting her cry. I feel like being a mom makes you too sensitive to the cries of your babies, even when they're no longer babies. That evolutionary survival insurance for babies can sure be a liability for mothers. I'm tired of being tired. And I wonder if my 2-year-old is smarter than me. Knows my weaknesses, can sense my fear and ignorance of the problem. Works me.

All I can say is, "not next time". But then again, I remember saying this before.

Infuriating. Maddening. Exasperating.

Yeah, those are good.

sister talk

HD: Penny, you wanna hide and poop?

PB: Gaa.