student teaching is not for the weak

still here. still surviving. still keepin' on.

I finished teaching my worksample (ridiculus amount of work to prove I taught some stuff) for my license. I'm tired. I still have a lot to do. Job fairs start soon. classwork too. still teaching, still planning, still fighting to stay in control in the classroom.

it will come.

it is coming. the know-how. the ability. the comfort.

but we all have to start somewhere. jump right in and learn the ropes. work your way up.

I just HATE making mistakes.

and the poor kids are missing out (?) by having to deal with me and my inexperience.

I know. they'll be fine.

and so will I. on June 19.

who's got time for resolutions?

I feel obligated to write. and there's a lot to say. but how to say it...

the past three weeks (wait, almost 4!) our family has been sick. Harper started it and got off easy -- 4 days of cruddiness. then Penny started. and me. and Tate.

Penny is still trying to kick the phlegm that collects while she sleeps that began once she recovered from rotavirus.

I went from sore throat, to cough, to cold cough, to a nose producing more boogers than should be possible from one human being.

however, Tate suffered the worst. cough. hives. cough. rotavirus. cough. fever. BILATERAL PNEUMONIA.

oh, and since this is my blog, Tate's suffering is not what needs to be broadcast, but MY suffering as a result of Tate's suffering.

I know. how caddy. how mean. he was the one with BILATERAL PNEUMONIA after all.

but I was the one beginning teaching for the first time EVER, while sick, while caring for a sick family with no help. and I just about lost my shit.

Monday I had my first experience of losing control of a class. after receiving little support from my university colleagues, I come home to a husband with a 104-degree fever and a toddler who needs to go to bed. after sending both of them to bed, I just cried. I needed emotional support. I needed to bitch, moan, tell my troubles and have my husband there to feign understanding while bringing more tissue. and he couldn't because of that whole BILATERAL PNEUMONIA thing.

and I was mad.

I was mad at him for being sick. I was mad that I was sick. I was mad that we had no help and have to do it all alone. I was mad that I went back to school. I was mad that I thought I could be a teacher.

all unreasonable. and all anger has since passed.

but it's been a hard two weeks.

and I'm beginning to really see why teachers bitch about their pay -- it is an INCREDIBLY difficult job. I can't believe this is what I have chosen. I can't believe this is what I will be doing the rest of my working life.

I can't believe how much I love the kids...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ps. thankfully, Tate's pneumonia was bacterial and easily cleared with antibiotics. it's nice to have my man back. and thanks much to the generous people who helped get him back to me.

pps. and the resolutions I made? ha. there's a reason I've never made resolutions before.

why I love being a feminist

the other day I saw a guy go a couple steps out of his way to avoid a puddle and my first thought was,

"I could jump that".

no need to lay down any coats here, gentlemen.

resolutions

I've never made New Year's Resolutions before (notice it says resolutions not resolution? goin' all out). for some reason I feel this is the time to do it. and nothing says official like posting it on the web.

so here goes...

1. crunches every morning (good-bye baby belly!).

2. ride bike to school every day. yes, every day. and rides to the bus or MAX count -- it's still at least 10 blocks...

3. teach my ass off.

4. listen more. and respond with comments that aren't about me.

5. be nicer to my husband. it's true, I'm not very nice when I'm stressed. I hope to start changing that.

I feel I should have something about the girls but I can't think of anything. that's a good sign, right? does that mean I'm happy with my parenting and the love and attention I give to my girls?

'cause I am.

and all the things listed above will ultimately lead to me being a better mom anyway.

by the way, my New Year's begins monday when school starts again, so, one more crunch-free day!

Happy New Year world!