Am I smarter than my 2-year-old?

Tate and I were having a perfectly wonderful evening: watched a movie, good special features, no kid interruptions. Until that magic time when toddlers know you really want to go to bed, and they wake. For us, this is about 10:30. Last night was no exception, and it was very, um, frustrating? upsetting? I don't know. I'm not good with adjectives. Maybe by the end of this, I'll have a good one. Here's the play-by-play:

10:35 Harper up, crying. Sometimes she just has to find her pacifier and go back to bed. This time, she kept crying. I went in. She could not be consoled. She would not even lay down. Her ear hurt. She was scared. That last bit got me. We're entering nightmare age. I don't want to mess with this. As someone who had terrible nightmares as a child, I know how much a parent's arms mean.

10:45 In the bathroom with Harper, brushing teeth and generally getting ready for bed. Yes, she would be coming with me.

10:55 Back to bed, our bed. Harper sleeps between us to avoid falling off. She barely gave room for me to put my head on the pillow. Closed the blinds to keep the streetlights out. Daddy comes to bed. Time to sleep.

11:05 Already frustrated with Harper's restlessness. I tell her to quit moving around. She wants to go back to her bed. Cool. Let's go.

11:15 Still messing around on her bed, alternately crying without explanation, and laying down, pawing her left ear saying it hurts. I give here some pain meds for her ear. Along with nightmares, I also had horrible ear infections as a child that would keep me up all night. I hoped the meds would work.

11:30 "I want to go back to your bed". Fine. Whatever. I just want to go to bed.

11:45 I can't handle the tossing and turning anymore (I now really know what that expression means, by the way). I'm worried about Harper's ear and decide this is a night we're just gonna be up for a while. I propose a movie on the couch so we can be noisy and move around as needed. I was also hoping Harper would fall asleep.

12:55 I wake up from dozing to Harper wide awake, watching the movie, without issue. Not scared. Ear fine. Enjoying the show.

12:58 Harper's in bed, screaming, crying and generally making life hell for our neighbors. At this point I'm also crying from frustration, exhaustion, and wanting to pull my hair out. Though I doubt I was bothering the neighbors.

1:01 Silence.

1:03 Been silent long enough, I chance laying down.

1:10 Harper enters our room and climbs into bed. I tell her to go to sleep or it's back to her bed.

She stays. She sleeps. And Tate lets me sleep in.

What gets me about this whole thing is that my 2-year-old manipulated me so well. She played the scared card with the ear infection card. She's never even had an ear infection. But she felt my empathy and willingness to cave to her demands and ran with it. And got to watch a movie in the middle of the night. I lost sleep because I took 2 and 1/2 hours to let Harper scream the 3 minutes it took to get her to cave.

I feel like a fool. I feel like a bad mom, first for giving in, and second for letting her cry. I feel like being a mom makes you too sensitive to the cries of your babies, even when they're no longer babies. That evolutionary survival insurance for babies can sure be a liability for mothers. I'm tired of being tired. And I wonder if my 2-year-old is smarter than me. Knows my weaknesses, can sense my fear and ignorance of the problem. Works me.

All I can say is, "not next time". But then again, I remember saying this before.

Infuriating. Maddening. Exasperating.

Yeah, those are good.

sister talk

HD: Penny, you wanna hide and poop?

PB: Gaa.

catch-up and good bye...for a little while

I cannot guarantee anything here until at least July 2: date of master's completion. until then, I am just way too busy and dread this place. I read your comments but have no intelligent words left of my own. so, as it is the first day back from Spring Break and I am not yet crazy busy (starts tomorrow), I feel I should document some things.

the past month was full of fun and adventure! okay, maybe not quite with that enthusiasm, but a lot has happened. because I like the way lists look on blogs, here's mine for the month of March:

1. I finished my first worksample for my teaching license. this insane, 148-page monster was my document of one unit taught to one class showing the students learned something. pretty cool.

2. Penny turned 1! goodbye baby, hello toddlerhood. I am now the mother of two toddlers. and they're not twins. ha.

3. Penny's walking! she just up and walked. heard of it happening but hadn't ever see it. and it happened right after her birthday. it was as if she decided now that she is 1, she's too old for crawling.

4. took a trip with Harper to see Eugene. it was lovely from the car. of course, the day we go is the day it begins to rain. not rain, pour. we can handle rain, we live in Portland. but the pour was too much. will return.

5. when I get a real job I will hire someone to clean my house once a week just so I never have to clean a shower curtain again. or dust. or mop.

6. found out dogs will throw up if they eat too much corn.

7. decided I hate the way it feels to be home without my husband. it was 4 days of agony. I missed him by the end of the 1st.

8. I married the right person.

9. photos from this month I really love

Penny enjoying the sun, tulips and taste of dirt.



walking, belly first.

every time I look at this picture

I love Harper a little more.

my girls. sisters. best friends.

everybody run! (see #8 above)

farewell web friends! I will keep reading but leave the writing for inspired musts and witty moments. thanks for reading and I'll see you in July!

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edited to add: apparently I'm not the only one loving lists. here's another. and another. and yet another. must be something in the water.

I had the salad...

Tuesdays I have a class down at PSU after being at the high school. the class includes pot luck snacks. usually included are donuts, cookies, chips, other sweets, and sometimes veggies.

anyway...

because there is all this food around, I snack for 2 and 1/2 hours. on all of it. luckily today, the donuts ran out before I got there, but not the cookies. or popcorn. or chips. or baby carrots (I was a little good) with dip (okay, not really).

in honor of all this eating, I decided to take advantage of a rain-free evening and ride my bike the 6 miles home. the air was cool, traffic clear from rush hour, and I was working up a good sweat.

then I hit 16th.

and I got hungry.

all the glorious dinners being made in the nearby houses were emitting the most wonderful smells. at least one person was roasting a bird. and grease was somewhere, no mistaking it.

and there went my work-it-off-have-a-salad-at-home plan.

wait, that's not true, I had the salad. with a cheese tamale and beans and rice and cheese.

damn those home cookers with good ventilation!