who's got time for resolutions?

I feel obligated to write. and there's a lot to say. but how to say it...

the past three weeks (wait, almost 4!) our family has been sick. Harper started it and got off easy -- 4 days of cruddiness. then Penny started. and me. and Tate.

Penny is still trying to kick the phlegm that collects while she sleeps that began once she recovered from rotavirus.

I went from sore throat, to cough, to cold cough, to a nose producing more boogers than should be possible from one human being.

however, Tate suffered the worst. cough. hives. cough. rotavirus. cough. fever. BILATERAL PNEUMONIA.

oh, and since this is my blog, Tate's suffering is not what needs to be broadcast, but MY suffering as a result of Tate's suffering.

I know. how caddy. how mean. he was the one with BILATERAL PNEUMONIA after all.

but I was the one beginning teaching for the first time EVER, while sick, while caring for a sick family with no help. and I just about lost my shit.

Monday I had my first experience of losing control of a class. after receiving little support from my university colleagues, I come home to a husband with a 104-degree fever and a toddler who needs to go to bed. after sending both of them to bed, I just cried. I needed emotional support. I needed to bitch, moan, tell my troubles and have my husband there to feign understanding while bringing more tissue. and he couldn't because of that whole BILATERAL PNEUMONIA thing.

and I was mad.

I was mad at him for being sick. I was mad that I was sick. I was mad that we had no help and have to do it all alone. I was mad that I went back to school. I was mad that I thought I could be a teacher.

all unreasonable. and all anger has since passed.

but it's been a hard two weeks.

and I'm beginning to really see why teachers bitch about their pay -- it is an INCREDIBLY difficult job. I can't believe this is what I have chosen. I can't believe this is what I will be doing the rest of my working life.

I can't believe how much I love the kids...

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ps. thankfully, Tate's pneumonia was bacterial and easily cleared with antibiotics. it's nice to have my man back. and thanks much to the generous people who helped get him back to me.

pps. and the resolutions I made? ha. there's a reason I've never made resolutions before.